Elderly, Funny, Patient interactions, Weird ideas

The Seductress

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Patient, female in her late 60’s: (face is surprised when I walk in)

Me: Hello! I am one of the nurse practitioners here. You are here for the pacemaker follow up correct?

Patient: Yes, is the doctor seeing me too? I was really hoping to see (mentions handsome, forty something year old doctor who implanted pacemaker).

Me: Well, this visit is with me so I can see how your site is looking and how you are feeling. The next visit should be with him next week.

Patient: Ok,  but I must say, I am disappointed.  I look forward seeing him. I kinda have a crush. I don’t know how you concentrate with that fine man around.

Me: We manage somehow. Anyways, I need to see the sight so you need to raise the turtle neck (I thought it was weird she wore a turtle neck on a hot day).

Patient: (Hesitates and lifts shirt to let me see incision. She is wearing a bright red, see through, lace teddy under her shirt and incision is above).

Me: (Surprised but keeps professional) Incision looks good, really good. You may want to use button shirt so your arms do not go above your head when getting dressed. Maybe more chest support also, so the pacemaker does not migrate. Do you wear undergardments like this always?

Patient: (red and embarassed) No, it was for the doctor.

Me: I understand

giphy (1)

Sexuality and the Elderly

Years ago, there were articles that ran in several gossip columns that the largest 55 and older community in the world, which happens to be in Florida, had one of the highest rates of sexually transmitted diseases in the country. It turns most of the story is inaccurate and However, sexuality and the elderly is not thoroughly researched. (No, I do not plan to research it). Check this link for studies.

What I was most surprised about this above patient interaction was the lengths the woman went to expose herself. She wore a long sleeve turtle neck shirt on a hot, Florida summer day with a lingerie under it to a pacemaker check. She knew the shirt would have to come off completely to see the incision. I shudder to think what her endgame was. Her intended target would have had to make clear that anything other than a doctor/patient relationship would be prohibited. It reminded me that people will try anything!

2 thoughts on “The Seductress”

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